I don't know exactly what happened, but on the 9th of April locoesclavo left a comment on my post "Another Year of Full Time Chastity Ends...". This is visible to me in the back pages of the blog, but not publicly visible for some reason. I only realised when I went to answer it and realised it wasn't in fact there. I don't really get this since if a comment is deleted it would still be 'there' but with 'this comment has been deleted' underneath it - unless I double delete it. But I certainly didn't do that.
Anyway, since locoesclavo left such a long and interesting comment it seemed only fair to post it here and to respond to it...
"Hello, I think I've said it before, but I love your statistics and graphs. Always within the world of orgasm control, numbers have excited me. Because it is incredible the feeling you experience on a weekend in a cage, or when for the first time your orgasm is delayed for a couple of weeks, but only when you see the numbers on the table, after a considerable amount of time, like a year, that one understands the magnitude of the effort that goes into trying to live this as a lifestyle. That is, 5 full orgasms in a year. It's a lot. A lot of sacrifice, effort, self-control. I really congratulate you, especially considering that you haven't quit for 13 years."
Thank you locoesclavo. It's still quite... alarming (haha) to think that is has been thirteen years since I was free to jerk off whenever I wanted. Of course, at some point it just became 'normal' I guess, like any lifestyle choice. But yes I guess many couples who try this might slip back into 'normalcy' or take breaks... especially if the Mistress misses having penetrative sex.
That was always one of my concerns really, but since Mistress was the one who made the rule that only she could initiate penetration right when we started and indeed as a 'condition' of her taking on the role of full time chastity Mistress, well, I guess it was taken out of my hands. Of course it took a long time for me to really believe it, since... you know - male ego (haha). But by now I think it's pretty clear that Mistress enjoys my tongue way more than having my cock inside her.
"I don't usually differentiate a full orgasm from a frustrated one, although I understand that they are different sensations. In your table, however, you can see if you add the two types, the total also falls over time. 10 orgasms of both types in a year, less than one a month."
To be completely honest with you, even the full orgasms are kind of 'frustrated' since they are usually so overly intense as to almost be painful. But, there is definitely a difference between them in how you feel afterwards. After a full orgasm I definitely feel quite drained for a time, whereas with a properly ruined orgasm after a short while it's like it never happened.
"I don't remember if I've told you before, but I've always seen you as a bit of an inspiration on this topic. In my case, after many twists and turns, and some failed attempts, in February 2023, my wife and I made the decision to start a new attempt to control orgasms as a lifestyle. At the beginning, with certain conditions it was fun, hard to endure without a device, but very enjoyable. However, over time I feel that it becomes difficult but in a different way. I feel that, although I have a good number of orgasms, the lifestyle becomes more boring, making the effort of holding on from one orgasm to the next very difficult, I wonder if it is worth it."
Well, everyone is different of course, but I wonder if people who are orgasm-driven are the ones who get the most from chastity? Of course there is this idea that the woman uses the cage to 'control' the man and this somehow makes him into her perfect husband. As if some women don't use sex to 'control' their man anyway?
For me, and I suspect for many men who enjoy this lifestyle it's almost the opposite. I like being desperate to cum, I like being edged, and while in that moment I want it to happen, basically I don't. At the same time I absolutely love making my Mistress cum, and while I'm sure lots of men enjoy their wife's orgasms, I think you probably enjoy them even more when you yourself haven't cum for a month or four.
But yes, I understand why you might get bored. Especially if you are only having sex once every three weeks. To be honest I would not think that is sustainable. If you are only having sex once every three weeks then I don't honestly think this is the right lifestyle for you. Effectively you are being 'locked and left' which is probably why you feel like it is not worth the effort. I wouldn't either.
When I first got into this lifestyle I read something somewhere about a man who was trying to interest his (disinterested) wife in locking him up to put some spice into their non-existent sexlife. Her attitude was kind of like 'Okay, why can't you just lock your cock up yourself and I won't touch it just like I don't touch it now'. He was at his wits end trying to make her see the difference between being 'positively frustrated' and 'negatively frustrated'.
There are so many ways your wife could do this (verbally and physically) without having to let you inside her or having full sex. But she has to be on board and 'interested'. If she's just going along with it as a way to keep the sex limited to once every three weeks then I think you'd be better off keeping this as a fantasy. This is supposed to make you feel closer, if it doesn't (and I suspect for you it probably doesn't) then it's never going to work long term.
"It should be noted that my Lady, unlike yours, does not like BDSM or Femdom. So it is a vanilla marriage with the condition that I do not masturbate and I only have to finish with her permission when we make love . Her libido is also quite low, which led her to agree with orgasm control, as a way to control that we make love only when She proposes it, once every 2 or 3 weeks."
Yes, exactly... it sounds like you are giving up a lot for very little in return.
And honestly, most of the time our relationship is pretty vanilla too. Yes Mistress slaps/whips my balls sometimes and uses her nails on my cock now and again. And yes in the past we have had specific 'sessions' which are femdom in nature. But day to day, it's really not like that. I can't even remember the last time I had a butt plug in my ass...
Not to sound like a broken record but one of the reasons our lifestyle works is because I love making Mistress cum and she loves me making her cum. She has never come through penetration anyway, so prefers my tongue (and that was always my favourite thing to do anyway). So we are very fortunate in that our 'tastes' line up very well.
"Here comes the question. How do you manage to endure the meanwhile when nothing happens in the middle? In these 13 years, were there moments where you asked yourself if it was worth the effort?"
Yes of course there have been times when I've seriously considered a break or stopping completely. I don't think it would be normal to go that long and never feel differently. Mostly this has been times when things have not been going so well for us, which thankfully has not been all that often. We are very lucky that for the most part our marriage has been very strong and quite 'uneventful' (I mean that in a positive sense).
I think over the last 30 years the longest we've gone without any sex at all was maybe two weeks and mostly it's 1-3 times a week, so honestly it's hard for me to answer your question since my concept of 'the meanwhile' is quite different to yours. If I was regularly going three weeks between sex I would not be doing this though, I can tell you that much.
"Anyway, thanks for staying here. And I hope your wishes come true (but be careful, lest your Mistress end up taking all your complete orgasms to exchange them for ruined orgasms, hahaha)."
Thanks, haha. Well that's completely up to her to decide... if she feels guilty she knows all she has to do is offer me the choice of a real orgasm or the chance to worship her ass. We both know which one I will pick, every single time.
